Dating fear of abandonment
Avoidant/dismissive folks are inclined to have high avoidance and low anxiety; they often think trust isn’t worth the effort, and they feel safest living life on their own terms, without much real intimacy.I suspect these are the folks who not only find long distance relationships tolerable—they prefer them!
No wonder so many find themselves stymied in their search for a good relationship. as Anxious/Ambivalent (aka Preoccupied) have high anxiety but low avoidance; they tend to feel sure of other people’s lovability, but hesitant about their own.You need to have a clear idea of what you consider a relationship to be. Some guys need time and there’s nothing wrong with giving a guy time.Attempting to mold a man/relationship into being the relationship you want is a losing battle – progress is an illusion if you want something that he ultimately does not. Give him space to step up and be that man without manipulating, prodding, hinting, guilting or nagging him to be that man. No good relationship was ever built on the grounds of manipulation. But ultimately you won’t get the relationship you want unless you’re willing to pull the plug on a relationship that isn’t what you want.These are folks who say they’d like to merge totally with another person, perhaps like your ex-husband wanted with you, but they worry they’ll scare others away.Some Preoccupied folks worry so much, they begin protecting against eventual abandonment by doing the one thing that really could get them dumped: having affairs!